hajdu IT’S NOT THE TIME OF MY LIFE
IT’S NOT THE TIME OF MY LIFE
BY SZABOLCS HAJDU
SCENE 2
Ernella enters the living room and looks around carefully. MUSIC STOPS. Ernella wants to take off her shoes. She speaks in a whisper to Esther, who follows her.
ERNELLA
Moreover On top of that, the we ran out of gas at the twenty-third kilometer stone...
ESTHER
You don’t have to...
ERNELLA
But I’ll take them off...
ESTHER
But you don’t have to...
ERNELLA
But I’ll take them off...
ESTHER
But we don’t either...
ERNELLA
Okay... I tried calling you, but my phone died...
ESTHER
But then how?...
ERNELLA
We pushed the car for six kilometers to the gas station, and there but it turned out that they didn’t have Diesel, so we had to leave the car there...
ESTHER
So how did you come?
ERNELLA
On foot.
ESTHER
Oh my God...
Albert enters the living room with two packages.
ERNELLA
Put it down, we’ll take it inside. Bring up the other stuff.
Albert puts down the bags and Ernella picks them up.
ERNELLA
Where should I take it? Where aren’t we in the way?
ESTHER
There, in the bedroom.
Ernella goes into the bedroom with the luggage.
ERNELLA
I kept asking: shouldn’t we refuel? Because the meter is in the red – no, no, it’s going to last for another 20 kilometers.
LAURA
Hi!
ERNELLA
It’s a good thing that it didn’t happen in the middle of the tunnel, like in Italy. Sure we’re not bothering?
ESTHER
No, of course not.
Laura enters with two more packages.
LAURA
Hi!
ESTHER
Hi Laura! You’ve become such a big girl!
LAURA
Where should I put them?
ESTHER
Give them to me, I’ll take them inside. Are there any more?
LAURA
Yes, there are.
Laura exits, Esther carries the bags into the bedroom. Albert enters with more boxes, which Ernella takes into the bedroom.
ERNELLA
It was a wonderful farm by the way, but the weather was horrible. Windy and damp. And there’s no heating, so you had to dress up inside, too. Not to mention the Scottish. At first, they are very friendly, but then they show their true self. Albert didn’t get along with them at all. It all became very much at the end...
Laura enters with another package.
LAURA
There was also a beautiful big yard, and lots of goats. Mister Coll gave me a small goat, right after it was born, I mean he said that while we’re there, it can be mine, and his mother had this inflammation, so she couldn’t feed him, so I fed him from a nursing bottle...
Esther takes the stuff out. Albert enters with more packages. Ernella carries them inside.
ERNELLA
Anyway, if Albert is interested in something, he does that very well, but somehow he always loses his enthusiasm and gets bored... Oh, I cannot wait to be horizontal, to just be next to each other on the bed, holding each other...
Laura enters with more packages.
LAURA
And the wind was always blowing, we had to dress up inside too, because there was no heating, we’ve always slept in our clothes, next to the other on the bed, holding each other... the house was full of mice, one crawled into my trousers, and got on my hand...
Esther takes the stuff out. Albert enters with more packages. Ernella takes them out.
ERNELLA
And the house was full of mice, they crawled into everything, they were very friendly otherwise, but then they showed their true self, we put out the poison in vain, and the mousetraps, they just multiplied...
Laura enters with packages.
LAURA
We pushed the car for six kilometers, holding each other. At the end it all became too much. We lay next to the other at the gas station, it was constantly raining, there was no heat...
Esther takes the packages out. Albert enters with packages.
ERNELLA
Because his wife died not so long ago, and he remained alone with the animals, and there are no days off with the animals, the animal doesn’t go on holiday, they want food, they want water...
Laura enters with packages.
LAURA
There were a bunch of animals, horses and pigeons, and nutrias, geese, pigs, cows, goats, guinea fowls, peacock... and once I hypnotiszed the peacock in the chapel, it was standing there on the altar during the ceremony and it said: that in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen.
At the end of the choreography, Ernella, Laura and Albert enter the bedroom, but reappear from the entrance and settle down around the table. Esther exits the bedroom and speaks in the direction to the bedroom.
MUSIC SLOWLY FADES OUT.
ESTHER
If you’re cold, there’s another blanket in the wardrobe, but you can also turn on the radiator to five as well, just don’t put anything on it, because the thermostat will get ruined. If there’s anything, call me, we’re here...
Esther closes the bedroom door. Farkas enters the living room from the children's room.
FARKAS
What is it?
ESTHER
Ernella and the others...
FARKAS
I’ve noticed... but what happened? Is there something wrong?
ESTHER
They ran out of gas on the highway, pushed the car for six kilometers to the station, there it turned out they don’t have Diesel, their phone died, couldn’t call us, then they came here on foot.
FARKAS
What do you mean on foot? But Albert... why didn’t Albert hitchhike to another station with a can?
ESTHER
I don’t know.
FARKAS
But why did they come back? What happened?
ESTHER
I don’t know. Ernella says that Albert couldn’t really get along with the locals.
FARKAS
How he nattered when they left, saying how he wouldn’t step foot in this country for another ten years. Tomorrow I’ll ask him, my little Albert, my dear, do you remember when you said a year ago that you’ve said...
ESTHER
Don’t you start again! There’s no point in rubbing it in...
FARKAS
After a while, everything stinks for him.
ESTHER
Be more generous, let him be...
FARKAS
Yes, yes, of course, I didn’t even want to bring it up... after all, by coming here he admits that I was right... Do they fit in Is the bed ok? Shouldn’t we inflate the mattress?
ESTHER
They said it is okay for them like that. They are laying there, one next to the other, fully dressed up, like some herrings.
SCENE 3
THE PROOF
Albert, Ernella and Laura are sitting at the table, Farkas and Esther around the sofa.
ERNELLA
Stop fighting. Why is this so important now?
ALBERT
But I didn’t say that I wouldn’t step foot in this country for another ten years, on the opposite, I said exactly that we’ll be back in a year.
FARKAS
That’s not what you’ve said. You said that you won’t step foot ion this country for at least ten years. One hundred percent, I remember clearly.
ALBERT
Don’t tell me that you remember clearly what I said ten years ago.
FARKAS
Not ten, just one. Anywayhow, I know it this because I put wrote about it down in my diary quite in detail, when you’ve left.
ESTHER
Don’t fight. It’s so bad having to listen to this...
FARKAS
We’re not fighting, we’re talking.
Farkas exits.
ALBERT
It’s certain I didn’t say anything like this...
ERNELLA
This house is beautiful. Too bad you’re a renting it. How much would it be otherwise?
ESTHER
Very expensive.
ERNELLA
Don’t you want to take a loan?
ESTHER
We would have to pay it for thirty years. By the time we pay it off, we could die. And it’s we’re not sure that we want to live here for the rest of our lives.
Laura makes a glass sound with a wine glass. Ernella takes the glass.
ERNELLA
But this way you have nothing. All your money goes to the landlord. How much are you paying a month?
ESTHER
Not much, considering how big the house is, and that it’s right in the city center.
ERNELLA
How much?
ESTHER
Not much.
Laura makes a glass sound with another glass. Ernella takes this one too.
ERNELLA
I can’t imagine spending my whole life in a sublet. Don’t you miss the garden?
Farkas enters reading through his diary.
FARKAS
Here it is. It was a Wednesday. Albert has again left out the... Oh, this isn’t it... here it is. “And when will you come back?”Esther asked this. Ernella: “We’ll try it out, there is nothing to lose, if it doesn’t work out, we can always come back here. Right?”Albert: “I’m not going to step foot in this fucking country for at least ten years, that’s for sure. One cannot choose the place he’s from, but he surely can the one where he drops dead.” Me: If everyone believed this, and everyone left the country, who would remain here? Anyway, you’ll be back in a year. Albert: No, we fucking won’t! I said ten years. At least. Me: We’ll see. I hope I’m wrong.”
Silence. Farkas looks up from the diary, satisfied.
ESTHER
Are you happy now?
FARKAS
What?
ESTHER
Are you happy?
FARKAS
I’m not happy, but this is what he said.
Farkas exits.
ERNELLA
What a nice little mug!
ESTHER
I got it from Dad. Have you talked to him lately?
ERNELLA
Not really.
ESTHER
You should call him sometimes.
ALBERT
Bring your father a beer.
Laura exits to grab a beer. ESTHER also stands up. They’re doing it paralelly.
ERNELLA
Do you smoke inside?
Esther sits down opposite to Ernella.
ESTHER
Only outside in the corridor.
ERNELLA
Whatever then, it’s not that important.
ESTHER
We can go outside.
ERNELLA
It’s not important.
ESTHER
When did you start smoking again?
ERNELLA
I don’t know, quite a while ago. But it’s been enough now.
As Laura steps through the door, she stumbles and falls to the floor.
ALBERT
Good morning! I’d like to introduce myself, I’m Laura Stern, 10 years-old, I swim, I play basketball, the piano, my parents spend a lot of money on me, but I haven’t managed to learn how to walk so far...
LAURA
But I didn’t see it!
ALBERT
What didn’t you see?
ERNELLA
Why is it pushed down, if she didn’t see it?
ALBERT
What didn’t she see? There’s nothing there. Wherever she goes, everything falls over behind her.
LAURA
Not everything.
ERNELLA/ALBERT
Where are you going?
LAURA
Nowhere.
ALBERT
Fix your hair.
Laura adjusts her hair, but immediately shakes her head to mess it up again.
ERNELLA
Fix it, Laura.
Laura adjusts her hair, but shakes her head again to mess it up.
ALBERT
Why are you smiling?
LAURA
I’m not smiling.
ERNELLA
Fix your hair. You’ll ruin your eyes.
ALBERT
Stop slamming the door!
ERNELLA
Leave it... you don’t have to...
ALBERT
Laura, I would like to talk to you...
ESTHER
Don’t all these comings and goings wear Laura out? When we went on a trip to Portugal with Bruno, he started stammering.
ERNELLA
No! She doesn’t stammer at all.
ESTHER
I didn’t say that she’s stammersing, just that... How could she get along with the Scottish kids?
ERNELLA
She’d instantly fit in; she learned the language unbelievably fast. By the end of the year, she was top of her class, the native speakers included. Since then she’s been writing stories, actually she just wrote a twenty-page story in English, full of these Scottish expressions.
ESTHER
Bruno also makes up all sorts of stories all the time. He has an unbelievable imagination.
ERNELLA
Same with Laura too.
ESTHER
Same with Bruno, too.
ERNELLA
I also make her play basketball, to have some kind of sports, too.
ESTHER
Won’t her shoulders get too big?
ERNELLA
I allow it to be only as a hobby. It’s not competitive playing by any chance.
ESTHER
Competitive playing is the biggest bullshit.
ERNELLA
But competition doesn’t hurt. Rivalry.
ESTHER
I hate rivalry, too.
ERNELLA
Life is rivalry and rivalry teaches you things.
ESTHER
What?
ERNELLA
To compete.
ERNELLA
Well?
ESTHER
How interesting that you always sit there. Last time you also sat there as well.
ALBERT
Yeah?
ESTHER
That’s your place now... When you’re here.
FARKAS
Otherwise it’s mine.
ALBERT
I’ll sit elsewhere, I didn’t know...
FARKAS
No, not at all, that’s not why I said it, stay there. It’s okay for me here, too.
ESTHER
And? How was it? Tell us something.
ERNELLA
It was very good. You can’t even compare.
ESTHER
But how is it different? Yes, of course, you earn living better...
ERNELLA
That’s not the point, but the... how do you say it... mentality?
FARKAS
Mentality.
ERNELLA
Oh yes, the mentality. For instance, when Laura went to school for the last time, I said to the teacher, to Mrs. Williams, that this is the last time Laura is coming to school. The teacher went into the class and started saying to kids... Laura... for this is Laura’s...
ALBERT
This is Laura’s last day in school...
ERNELLA
This is her last day in school. Laura came is from Hungary, and now she will go back there. She put out a map of Europe, showed everyone were Hungary is, and throughout the day they talked about Hungary. Can you imagine that a Hungarian teacher coming up with this idea by herself, that, for instance, she does this with a Pakistani child...
ALBERT
Or with someone from Montenegro...
ERNELLA
What happens instead? Yesterday at the gas station Albert went up to this man and asked if he would take him to the next one. What did he say?
ALBERT
Sorry, not a cab.
ERNELLA
Sorry, not a cab...
ALBERT
It really happened like this...
ERNELLA
He got so angry that he said: we’re going on foot.
ALBERT
He really pissed me off...
ERNELLA
But he was right...
FARKAS
Okay, but just because there’s someone’s an idiot, it doesn’t mean that everyonebody is an idiot. Idiots are everywhere.
ALBERT
It’s only that here, nine out of ten are idiots, while there, only one out of ten.
FARKAS
So everybody in here is an idiot, besides one.
ERNELLA
Don’t we want to go out to for a smoke?
ESTHER
I don’t usually smoke at this time yet.
ERNELLA
I’m going out.
ESTHER
I’ll go out to for a smoke.
BRUNO
Mum! Mum, I’m up!
FARKAS
Alright Bruno, I can see that you’re up. Don’t shout! Bruno! Calm down! Don’t yell! Mumother went to... to pick up some the grocerier’s. She’ll be back in a minute. Listen, Laura and the others are here! Do you remember Laura? Come, you can play with Laura!
FARKAS
Call Laura. Where’s Laura?
ALBERT
I’ll call her.
ALBERT
Laura! Come, play with Bruno!
FARKAS
Well? Do you remember each other? Laura got big, right?
ALBERT
Well! Play something!
FARKAS
Build something, or whatever, draw something!
ALBERT
Well? Laura! You can playso many things! Bruno? Do you like to play?
BRUNO
Are you insanestupid?
FARKAS
Bruno, watch your language!?
ALBERT
No problem..., he’s just a kid...
FARKAS
You know what? Show Laura your Lightning McQueen and Doc Hudson!
FARKAS
They’ll get along eventually. Do you want a beer?
ALBERT
I told you, stop slamming the door!
FARKAS
Bruno! What have you done?
FARKAS
Well, come here! Come on! Apologize!
BRUNO
It wasn’t me.
LAURA
It really hurts!
FARKAS
Apologize!
BRUNO
Are you insanestupid?
LAURA
There are two holes in my head.
ALBERT
Don’t fool around! What holes, I cannot see anything. Are you faking? Who started it?
BRUNO
I didn’t start it!
FARKAS
Apologize!
BRUNO
Mum! Dad squeezed my hand!
ESTHER
Why the hell did you squeeze his hand?
ERNELLA
What happened?
FARKAS
He hit Laura in the head with the chair’s leg!
ERNELLA
Who did? Albert?
FARKAS
No! Bruno!
ESTHER
Why the hell did you have to squeeze his hand?
FARKAS
He made her head bleed with that chair leg!
ESTHER
And then he has to be crippled?
FARKAS
Stop yelling! Everybody can hear us...
ESTHER
I don’t care, let them hear us!
FARKAS
Seriously, just like the gypsies...
BRUNO
She took Doc Hudson!
FARKAS
You see, this is what happens when you’re outside smoking peacefully...
ESTHER
Can’t that child be left alone with you for five minutes?
FARKAS
That’s the first thing, that it’s me! Never him, always me. When he will kills someone, that will also going to be because of my fault.
BRUNO
Stop fighting! Everybody’s right.
FARKAS
We’re fighting because of you, my little son. And if you haven’t been fighting, none of this would be happening.
(...)